In Defense of Being On the Phone All the Damn Time

Stop judging others and go back to your own damn phone. JL

Joe Coffey comments in Medium:

I don’t think much has changed, unless you count that devices are just a different way to read the day’s news. And share ideas. And listen to music. And play games, watch movies/television, listen to podcasts, and read books. And communicate with friends/family. And shop or take care of other time-consuming tasks. And participate in communities of like-minded people while trying to overcome introversion. And access the answers to any questions you can think of. Phones are portals to all the information we’ve accumulated throughout history. Oh, and don’t forget the cat videos.

Ever notice that the outcry to minimize our smart device obsession, especially when targeted at younger generations, doesn’t seem to have that positive tone of helpfulness that usually accompanies actual help? What I see is more of a desire to spank and shame those phone-obsessed Gen Z, Y, and X’ers who seem destined to walk right off a cliff while staring at their devices.

Consider how easy it is to criticize someone who is staring at a device. Take that parent in the stands at a youth sporting event, for example. How dare they look down at their phone while their kid is out on the field? What a lousy parent!

Well, maybe their phones are doing more than you realize. With a smartphone, that parent can help faraway loved ones track a game’s progress, and even watch or listen to it with automated announcers, as if the game were on TV. (Yes, there’s an app for that… it’s called GameChanger.) Or maybe they’re logging balls, strikes, and other key stats on the Bullpen app, a great way to get into the minutiae of the game for progress tracking and goal setting. Or maybe they’re just sharing game info — and even video––of the action via texting, social media, or private messaging.

What about that person at the park looking at their phone while in a yoga pose? How is it even possible to focus on mindfulness and yogic intentions while glued to one’s phone?

Top: GameChanger app, Bullpen app, and iPhone Messages. Bottom: Daily Yoga app, Insight Timer app and the Ekhart Yoga Youtube channel

Well, maybe they’re adjusting their yoga app, adjusting the sound on their meditation app, or finding their next hatha flow on YouTube.

The rampant “get off your phone” pontificating that seems to be everywhere these days is cloaked in the notion that society benefits from such scowling. I believe, however, that most of the scowling comes from an insecure place. The complainers are lofting these thought bullets on social media, after all, where the idea is to publish a patchwork of thoughts, photos, and memes that show others what you’re all about.

Consider, for a moment, that public gripes about others’ stupidity might be saying more about the griper than the gripee, or even the gripe, itself.

Way before the interwebs and smartphones were a thing, sociologist Erving Goffman theorized that we’re all basically going around trying to present a desired version of our identities that — here’s the key—probably isn’t being transmitted and received with 100% success. In other words, people in everyday life are simply trying to pull off a look, a belief system, and a lifestyle — but that doesn’t mean that they’re convincing anyone. Other people get to decide if they’re actually pulling it off or not.

Goffman suggests that we (the other people) assess that performance and quietly make the judgment that actually matters. We all try not to be judgey, of course, but… well, you know.

In other words, if you see a Japanese guy getting out of an F-150 while wearing Wranglers, Justin Ropers, and a Stetson, you might quietly dismiss his presentation of the cowboy lifestyle. Fair or not, many of us will move forward with a judgey assessment rather than the kind of judgment-free observation that Frank Zappa, Cindy Lauper and Barney encouraged us to make and embrace.

Here’s the 2018 plot twist that has far-reaching implications in terms of societal norms and even fairness in presidential elections — we’re now publicly sharing our judgey assessments before these performances even happen. We want others to know that, as arbiters of what’s proper behavior, we’re watching, by golly. We’re judging. We’re Johnny-on-the-spot with knowledge of what’s best for everyone — and that includes how others should be living their lives. For starters, everyone needs to put their phones down, right?

Look at that woman staring at her phone in the checkout line. How rude. Look at those millennials walking around with their phones out as they cross the street. How stupid. Look at those people with their phones out during dinner. How sad.

Who could argue with #DeviceFreeDinner ?

Well, duh––obviously, those people are using their phones when they shouldn’t be. Or:

Maybe that father and daughter with their phones out at the restaurant indeed have a no-phones-during-family-time rule that is enforced 99% of the time but today is different. Maybe today they agreed to bend the rule because he needs to catch up on his out-of-state parent’s surgery and she needs to get information about the class she missed while attending a student leadership workshop.

Maybe that lady on her phone at the checkout line is texting her partner to find out which card to use at the register because their checking account just got hacked and she’s trying to make sure she doesn’t charge the groceries to the credit card with the ridiculous interest rate.

And as for the millennials out in public letting the world pass them by as they remain transfixed to their phones…

Is this a new problem? Credit: iStock, Peter Turnley/Corbis/VCG, and Bettmann via Getty

I’ll argue that we’re not seeing anything new, really.

I don’t think much has changed, unless you count the fact that devices are just a different way to read the day’s news. And share ideas. And listen to music. And play games, watch movies/television, listen to podcasts, and read books. And communicate with friends/family. And shop or take care of other time-consuming tasks. And participate in communities of like-minded people while trying to overcome introversion. And access the answers to any questions you can think of. Phones are portals to all the information we’ve accumulated throughout history, after all. Oh, and don’t forget the cat videos.

I don’t think baby boomers or even the greatest generation would’ve had the super-human ability to put down these amazing devices had these gizmos landed in their laps back in the day. Call me crazy but in my observation, aging boomers are spending nearly their entire day on these things, every day. Yes, they do manage to put them down long enough to interact with others in public. But when they’re alone, many in the older generation are absolutely addicted to and dependent upon their phones and tablets to get through the day.

You could say this alone-time is what Goffman referred to as the “back region.” According to his theater analogy, that’s where we, as actors, prepare our public performances.

Here’s the thing––younger people are working or going to school for most of the day and thus have shorter blocks of alone-time, or “back regions.” Older people who are just tech-savvy enough to evolve beyond a flip phone, however, have eons of “back region” time — they fart around on their devices all day. It’s no wonder that younger people are cramming that screen time into their “front regions” of public performance and thereby annoying older generations in the process.

Look, I’m not arguing that it’s actually okay to be on your phone all damn day, or to eschew the “front region” societal norms that provide a foundation for civility, cultural gains, and meaningful interactions. We, as a society, obviously have a problem when it comes to putting down the biggest time-suck temptation in the history of civilization.

I do think, however, the device addiction finger-pointing is subjective and problematic. If you find yourself slinging that judgey “Get off your phone!” condemnation around — on social media, no less — to castigate others for having their priorities out of whack, well… thank you, I suppose. Thank you for publicly policing the behavior of others without context. We appreciate you reminding us of the real problem these devices have enabled.